Blog #7: Erin's Identity Kit

I'm Erin de Leon. I'm in no way introverted. I'm boisterous, loud, and even a little obnoxious sometimes. I've been called blunt many times. But I really mean it in the nicest way possible. I come from a family of assholes, but it's really all out of love. My identity kit at SDSU or around unfamiliar people is something I would categorize as the best version of me. I feel like I'm nicer just because I don't want to scare people. As silly as this might sound, I try to read people and make them feel comfortable being around me. Sometimes, I can be intimidating to other people. I don't really know how that happens, but I've been told that since I was a freshman in high school. 

Most of the time, I end up being a lot more different than what people expect. I put on this facade that I don't really care what people think. And 90% of the time I don't. However, I do have those days where I feel self-conscious. Everyone does. People always have this preconceived notion of me. I think a lot of it has to do with the things I'm involved with. I've always loved breaking stereotypes or ideas people had of me. 

When I meet new people, I usually present myself with confidence. I sometimes have too much of it. I honestly believe it's my way of coping with anxiety or nervousness. When I feel myself starting to get nervous, I push myself to be more confident so that I feel more in control of the situation at hand. I don't really ever see myself as being timid or shy. I've never been the type to be that way. I still get nervous about meeting new people and what they'd think of me, but I don't let that stop me from being, what I believe, to be my true self. I'm not always as outgoing as I sound. Sometimes I do enjoy staying in and being all by myself. 

That's another side of me people rarely ever get to see. I take time to put on a little make up. Depending on where I'm going, I like to pick my outfits accordingly in order to look presentable enough. I usually appear to have my life together. That's not really the case. I'm just a go with the flow kind of person and that makes me seem like I know what I'm doing. I like to think I do, but I'm only human and there are things that are totally out of my control. My identity kit contains a lot of different things while on campus at SDSU. It flows back and forth depending on the situation. It's all a mirage.